i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
