Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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