i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
