Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
