p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
