My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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