I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
