in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
