Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
