hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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