Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
