Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
