A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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