Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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