guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
