Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
