Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i will never coherently bang her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
