i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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