return my video game
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
