I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
