She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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