just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
