Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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