Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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