i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
