Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
