Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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