idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
