The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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