hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
