why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
