Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
