3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
