So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think a kid would responsible me up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
