The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
