You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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