it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
