i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
