Do you still have your period?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
