Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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