the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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