so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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