Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
