i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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