Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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