she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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