'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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