Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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