Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
