I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
