we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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