dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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