i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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