The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
