Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish you could order shots online.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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