Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
